Andres Linetzky Y Ernesto Romeo -- Sentimientos.

This is still my fav track in this Tango? cd.
Everything is written in this song,yet there's no words.
Yet never fails to offset me to a dimer mood,perhaps the way I am the whole day today.

I can't explain why and how but there is always a kinda affinity b/w me and someone of the past.
I know for my own good,I should not post it here.But this is my blog,you chose to read coz you wanna know inside me.

Unable to explain but I just know when it strikes.
Although the feeling this time round is very much different,a total beautiful stranger infront of me.
But one thing that stays the way it is is e memories.

Something that is perplex yet uncomplicated at the same time.
You are surprise the way things change yet nothing changes.
Maybe you dont understand this whole issue but it doesn't matter.
I dun blog to ask for understanding but a release from where I am.

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Just stepped outta my room and saw another heart wretching case.
This Indonesian small boy just went thru a big operation to reduce the size of his tongue.
He has got a very big tongue that sticks out,so basically he cant close his mouth.And I think there's a small tumor on the side of his neck.
After the operation,his tongue length reduced but now got inflamation.Very poor thing!
Saw the pain that the young kid gotta go thru just ...is depressing.I bet it hurts so much more for the mother.
Pray that the boy will pull it through and the next operation will be a sucess.

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The cleaner auntie poured her woes to me today.Though there is nothing I can help but I hope hearing can help.Badly wish that I could offer a hug or something,but I'm afraid that she would be taken back if I do so.
Her case?
Well....Maybe next time when I feel like typing and remembers to.

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I am not a very happy and easily content creature,I just think.
Maybe I just wish I am doing something useful right now.
At 20...I still acheived nothing under my name.
Here and there I've seen pple of my age already kicking a big career ahead.

PeiSi--HR Officer @ 20?!

Evon--that 4E3 Evon,has a big bright future ahead!Big company and we are talking about those one of the biggest in Spore and doing some job that seems impossible for the 20s to acheive.

Joann--Oh that gal..A cafe,what can I say?Be your own boss at 20?Get real.

Jules--Already mapped out half a globe,I believed.Though one of the most self-effacing gal I know,but she has it all.

And maybe some other more..OR I am sure so many more just that I dont have the details.

And so what am I doing?
Dont blame me for feeling useless.
Since young..there is a strong self compelling force that's on me,I know I have to achieve something or just be doing something decently high-flying.
But I know I won't be doing all that.Not that I look down on myself but I just know I aint one combatant that would be fighting in the corporate world,that would enjoy the challenge and intensity of the pressure.
For me,I call that lifeless slogging.

Sigh...
Was it yesterday that I thought I found a route and thought I would be happier,and thought I can enjoy life better?
Why do I feel like this when I finally realise that it's me who choose to backoff from the challenge of the 'horrible' workforce and give up my job that at least I know that it is NOT beyond my capability to perform!

"But you do not enjoy what you are doing,and is clearly unhappy!"

My question to myself is...so you guarantee that you would be happy and would really enjoy what you plan to do?What if you dont get to do what you plan to do,what are you gonna fall back on?What if you are again sick of what you plan to do,you cant back off that time.

Face it,ling!
You are just a dreamer.You lived by day to day with the dreams but once you are challenge to live it out,you back off due to ur inconfidence and insecurity.
Not the first time,you know it.
Why dont you just face it?

......
So?
Lemme be...for a while..for a while..for a while.
I know when I mus wake up and when I can dream on,
Wanna shut my damn eyes to this mechanic world.